Anne Lamott: Bird by Bird (****)
Cameron: The Artist's Way (****)
Yesterday my friend called and left a message on the machine:
"Magic Glasses, Front Page of the Voice!"
Quickly I ran to the mailbox and got my copy of the Glen Ridge Voice, one of the two local papers. There they were, perched on my face... the Magic Glasses! In a picture with the Mayor!
If that's not magic...
Turning 40 has brought with it some changes in my life. Many of them have been far better than I had ever dreamed, and some, well, not so good. One good thing, I am never going to be a supermodel, so I can eat food that I like. One bad thing, I still can't be honest about my age (I actually turned 40 several years ago). One good thing, I feel like I am finally part of the human race. I have become a more compassionate person. One bad thing, my body is falling apart.
Getting out of bed in the morning has become a rerun of the old Carol Burnett show, with Tim Conway playing the old man who likes to feed the pigeons in the park. He would barely walk across the set, the sound man would use a wood block and a stick to make the noise of his spine creaking as he stood up straight. The groaning, the stiffness... when did all this happen? But something else has landed on my night table: eyeglasses.
Now, I'm not saying that I need these glasses, but they are nice to have. They look good too. Come to think of it, I've always wanted glasses. And what exactly do these glasses do? I will let you in on a secret: They are magic glasses. They give me a super power which I did not have before. No, not X-Ray vision. No, not just vision, but the perception of well, something. I'm not quite sure what, but something else which has allowed me to get things I have never had before. And for all those who don't believe this, that's just too bad. I know this power exists because I have lived it!
For instance, my husband went into the Apple store in the Short Hills Mall to have my iMac repaired. At first they did not have our information. Then, they could not find a record of our extended warranty. My husband left, disgusted and without the fixed computer. A few days later I showed up with my computer and wearing my MAGIC GLASSES! Not only did they fix my computer for free, but they extended my warranty by one year and gave me an $85 credit!!!! Last Wednesday I went into Starbucks at a very busy time, they skipped me on line, the barista missed my order and I left without my caffine. The next day I went in at the same time, but with my MAGIC GLASSES! You can guess what happened, I got my tall cappuccino, and I got a very sincere thank you from the barista, while he put it in a cardboard cozy for me!
There is no mistaking it. I'm on to something. People who have been wearing glasses have known this for some time now. I think it's probably old news, but I'm still finding out more about my new powers. I have to return an overdue library book, I want to see if they will give me a break on the fine.
My daughter doesn't believe in their power. She thinks I'm being ridiculous. She says glasses do not have magic. "They just make you look old. Older than you are".
"How old?" I asked.
"Older than 39"
"So, like how old?"
"At least 40".
I rest my case.
This week was a whirlwind of "new". I looked at the calendar and realized that January was nearly half over, so time to get into action all the goals that were written down in my journal during December. Off I was getting my appointment with my new small-business "mentor", turning my DBA into an LLC, getting the car tuned up and having a facial!
Well, sort of a facial. Actually, not a facial at all, but one painfully long, under rehearsed sales pitch for Mary Kay. How did I, an experienced suburban mom, a veteran of candle, Tupperware, lingerie and pampered chef parties get duped into a Mary Kay nightmare? Let me explain.
My live-in exchange student (a twenty-something from England who is living in our spare bedroom while attending college) participated in a charity marathon over the fall and "won" a facial. She was pretty excited, she always wanted a facial and she hadn't won anything in a raffle before. Apparently Mary Kay hasn't made it across the pond. She received a phone call to book the facial, and she was allowed to bring as many friends as she wanted!
"Suzanne, would you like to get a facial next week?" she asked me. Oh boy, would I! Wouldn't you? "You can bring any of your friends, too." Holy smokes, I got on the phone and got two of my friends to agree.
"Who is giving the facials?" I asked.
"I have no idea". My mind was reeling, it could be Bobbi Brown (she supports all sorts of marathons for women's health issues) or a new spa that recently opened in town. I realize now I should have pushed her on this.
The day of the facial arrived and I was very excited. The facial person called to see how many people were attending. I finally got the answer to who was giving the spa moment, the reconditioning of my face, the new me!
"Marly Kay?" my British boarder replied.
Shit.
I grabbed the phone. I quickly called all my friends to warn them. They all canceled. Gone. No new me.
"What?" the English one asked.
"You don't know?"
"Know what?"
"This isn't a facial, this is a sales call. Just for that I'm going to raise your rent!"
Now, I know I have to put in the disclaimer here for all those women who love the Mary Kay product, for all the lives that pink company has changed, for all the wrinkles they have supposedly removed, so here it is. I know the mission behind marketing is a good one for women (although I understand that a man now runs the company).
Once my eyes stopped tearing and itching from the makeup remover, I was able to read the textbook that was required reading while I was going through the un-facial. I noticed that out of ten bullet points about how great the makeup was, eight of them were about looking younger and removing wrinkles. During the sales pitch our representative sat across from me. When she was reading to us all about the skin creme, I did not miss the direct glower of her stare when she emphasized how it reduced cellulite and spider veins with "light deflecting" properties that worked like little mirrors!
But the kicker for me was the exfolliating creme for your lips. Yes, that's correct, they have a scrub that you use to exfolliate your lips, and then put the SPF 8000 lip balm on top that will last for six hours. That means you don't have to keep re-applying it. (wrong, it wore off after 1/2 an hour)
Our representative worked hard. She seemed nice (although her phone rang twice during the presentation). She is obviously a new convert to the MK religion, and she will be a faithful follower. It should get her a blush colored car, if not a pink one someday. She left without a sale and I felt a little bad, but I also felt like she misrepresented herself as a free facial when in fact it was her usual sales pitch. I could see the disappointment in her face when she realized I was not going to give her any of my contact information. But when her cellphone rang as she was leaving she picked it up and walked out the door.
"Yes, I'm running late, I should be there in 15 minutes. How many facials will I be doing for you today?"
Fortunately there are 15 more days of January left. If I hurry I can at least get my eyebrows done.
I am looking forward to the NEW YEAR! There is so much to do, getting art classes up and posted, getting projects started... I hope that 2008 is a great year for everybody. Good luck and see you next year!
I'm not big on handwriting analysis; I've had mine done and they told me I was gregarious and unfocused. Whatever. But I get very attached to my son's homework assignments, especially the written ones. When I look at his writing, I see a window into the little boy I know so well, and then again someone who is developing into a person completely new and different from me.
His letters are still inconsistent in size and slant. They bounce around the page, kind of like he does all day long. His misspellings are transparent, you can see exactly what he is sounding out and how he is mechanically working out the word in his brain. This is what he is like, he wears his heart on his sleeve. There are no secrets with him. He writes dark, like he is holding the pencil tightly, and his first draft is full of his concentrated effort. His erasures are even more interesting. Done under protest in most cases, as if he doesn't want to admit or believe he made a mistake, but willing to correct, eventually. That mistake and everything around it feels the rapture of that pink eraser.
His sentences are simple, to the point. He uses words with colors and motion, like he is describing the cartoon going on in his head all the time. His handwriting tells me all about him and I hold on to so many of his assignments that I am afraid I will have to start renting a storage space for them.
OK, ok...so maybe gregarious. But unfocused? From now on I will stick to my keyboard!
I just wanted to share this photo of Ms. Mitts. Little sex kitten on the soccer field. I give up.
... And I promise to get back to art and some real conversation. But first, I was just wondering, is there a school for Women TV News Anchors that teaches them how to dress? Is it one of those schools that you register for on the unemployment line, where the classes are in Penn Station? Hello! You ladies have finally made it to the news, people are going to try and take you seriously, yet you dress in low-cut sweaters, awful prints, ridiculous frills, while the men dress in suits! Is the v-neck tank top a must for all women? Even in winter? Yesterday I was watching the Women's World Cup Soccer game, (Germany beat Brazil for the championship). Here were these amazing women, healthy and competing at a world-class level, playing in a stadium filled with paying customers! Cut to the studio where the three sports commentators, two men and one woman, are sitting and discussing the game. The commentator, Heather Mitts, well she obviously went to this school that I'm talking about. She was the exact opposite of the women that we saw on the field. Shirt from the Limited or Abercrombie, low V-neck, long blonde hair and hardly said anything worth saying except to laugh when the guys made a comment, just like a good girl. How do we expect to get taken seriously if all we want is to look like we are at a bar waiting for a guy to buy us a drink?
We are sending crossed signals to our daughters. You can be strong and smart and you don't have to advertise that you have breasts. Maybe we are trying to be too many things to too many people men. Let's just be ourselves, please!
Now this one really gets me. Last night as my daughter was watching the "news" on her computer (apparently the E! channel is today's number one news program) she clicked on the headline, "Britney breaks down". The picture was one of a young lady (I use the term loosely) in tears, looking right at the camera. She was in distress and my heart went out to her. (!) The video had a scene (narrated by Ryan Seacrest, OMG is he an anchor man now?) of Ms. Spears driving into a parking lot, swarmed by a pack of wolves with cameras. As she broke out into hysterics they would only shove the cameras and the flashes into her face more. The next scene was of Ms. S pulling into another parking space, again swarmed by these clueless paparazzi, forcing her to nick a car in the spot next to her. It was a gentle nick. Our favorite anchor man voices over: "As she RAMS her car into another car".
ENOUGH!
I can't believe this is the state of our society right now. Neither the paparazzi nor Ms. Spears is worth my time and personally, I would like to see them all go away. I propose this:
When you hear a Britney song on the radio, turn it off. When you see a Britney item in the paper, look away, toss the rag. If you see something Brit on the TV, change the channel. Make her go away!
There has to be an end to this mess! Let's reclaim our media! I can't take it anymore!
I'm going to go off a bit on my latest peeve. The music industry. I am so turned off by some of it that I almost don't know where to start, but I will start with the too many notes thing.
Have you listened to any songs on the radio lately? At least, something by a female singer. They are the biggest culprits. What I find is that there is a lack of respect for the whole note. The solid, one note sound. The singleness of ONE note, hanging for a moment. I repeat this twice because my friend who is a twenty-something did not understand what I meant. I guess this idea seems to be old fashioned. Let me give you an example. Scene: shopping in the supermarket. Song on the PA system: something by Beyonce. Amount of notes squeezed into one supposed whole note: about 67.
It actually gave me a headache. Do we have to put up with this? Who is making these women vocalists gyrate up and down the musical scale so much? Why are they trying to out-note everyone? Take Miriah Carey. Beautiful voice. Can she please just hold one note clearly so that I can enjoy the sound without my head spinning?
Let's just hope that this is just what's in fashion right now, and like most things in fashion it will go out in a few years. Before my eardrums explode.
I recently realized that I have not made an entry on this site in over two weeks! Not that I've been that busy....
Seems as though the day after school started, so did everything else! Where was everyone? The phone calls, e-mails, volunteering, socials and fund raisers have started. Not to mention all the sports and after school activities.
I'm not complaining- yet. Right now it's good to see everyone humming along and being involved. There are some new teachers at school, some houses have been painted which dramatically changes the look of a neighborhood. This morning I walked a different way back from school and ran into a whole new crowd of kids. It was nice.
Each day brings something new. The weather is unpredictable, the leaves are changing as is my waistline. Somedays I feel skinny and others, well, that god fall is on the way and nice, loose fitting pants. Let's hear it for vertical stripes and flowing skirts!
As long as it's not snowing I think I can be happy that summer is over. I love the summer, but I also love the fact that the kids are back in school!
In many school districts in New Jersey, TODAY is the first day of School! After I am finished dancing around my kitchen to KC and The Sunshine Band, I will be able to get an enormous amount of things done. That is, after I have a back-to-school breakfast with a planning committee, a meeting to present some art classes at eleven, a lunch meeting with my brother, another school committee meeting around 2 and I get ready for coaching Field Hockey this afternoon.
Hmmmmm. That sounds a little bit busy! Bring back the bored kids that were sitting in my kitchen two days ago complaining!
It's finally here! The answer to all my work-out and laundry problems! I promise I won't complain anymore about doing the laundry every day for what seems to be eternity as long as I can stay in shape. Forget the spinning class! This is the spinning cycle! Get your own!
This is from the Make website, the editors of Craft magazine (that multi-million dollar an issue mag that I sometimes can't do without).
There are loads (ha ha) of fun things that you can make on your own at this site, check it out.
If your child goes to a public school you will be aware of an additional program that some kids (apparently the top 2%) are offered "membership" to. It is a collection of class offerings that are supposed to give a child an enriched experience in their studies. It is the "Gifted and Talented" program, or GNT or GT. Children are placed in this group who perform well during the year in their classwork, score very high on their State Exams (in a NJ State school children's case, the NJASK and another mandatory test) and teacher recommendation. They need all three to be included in this group. It is a good thing, and if your child gets into it you should be proud. But is it really reaching all the Gifted and Talented kids? What exactly do they consider Gifted and Talented? Why? Who says so?
The reason I am bringing this up is because I had the chance to witness first hand this summer during my art camp experience some very strong talent. One child in particular I would consider to be gifted and talented:
In the class we were creating creatures that would be sculpted out of different materials. They were 3-Dimensional and given the nature of some of the materials, they would be a good size, approx 24" high and larger. There was a wide range of ages in the class, and it was not a good cross section of all the potential art students in the school but I know children pretty well now and I could tell that this child was a "contemplater". Of all the projects his was the only one that balanced (it stood on it's own without additional support) and it was a wholly thought out concept. The project had good design, answered all the questions to the problem, dealt with the given materials and made a very successful and exciting creature. The big catch: this child has been held back one grade. When we wrote out our project outline his writing was poor, spelling done phonetically and his sentences were fragmented. I spoke with the parent later that week and he is being tutored weekly for reading and writing and although he does not have any neurological problems, he will not be winning any academic awards any time soon. So in other words, the gifted and talented program will not be in his immediate future. However, after seeing his project which was far and above what other children were doing at his age level, as an art teacher I would consider him gifted and definitely talented. He thought about the project, worked it out in his mind in three dimensions. But will he be pulled out for GT? Not a chance. Is there a GT Art program? Ha! Art is holding on for it's life in public schools. I'm sure the same thing could be said for other children who's talents lie other than in the books and on tests.
I am not against the recognition of children who are outstanding in academics and are offered more. I am not against special education, where children who have difficulty with certain subjects are given a chance to enhance their experience as well. What I am for is recognizing more talents, for giving children who are talented in other aspects of school subjects the ability to be challenged as well. Why do they have to wait until High School (for advanced placement art or language or music, if your school is lucky enough to offer it)? Public school in New Jersey is one of the biggest assets of the state, we have outstanding schools, but we still have a ways to go. We have recognized that not all children learn the same way. Now we have to recognize that not all children are gifted and talented in the same way as well.
I do! It was only two years ago, and it was the best summer ever! Every day was sunny, warm and no rain. OK, so it would have been better had it rained a few times so that there wouldn't be a water emergency, but that would be better than this! These are supposed to be the dog days! not the fish days! I'm not complaining... I like all weather as long as it's not cold and snowy. I don't feel bad sitting at the computer catching up on work that has been piling up for 5 (art camp filled) weeks. We have also been catching some movies; Hairspray gets two thumbs up, Transformers one thumb up one down, Rush Hour 3, well, I'm a Jackie Chan fan, but even then it was hard to watch.
Two weeks to Labor Day, enjoy every rainy, sunny, humid moment because it's almost over.
Well, the camp thing is over. It was a great 5 weeks of comics, drawing, papermaking, treehouse building and monstermaking. I'm pooped. But I loved every minute of it. I also gained back all the 12 pounds I had lost at the beginning of July. You know, work work work and no work-out! And did I stop eating in order to compensate? Hell no. So Monday is back to the Boot Camp workout for me. It's dreadful but completely effective. I will be very,very sore for the first two weeks but, in combination with the celery stick snacks (oh yum) I should be able to get back to a fit shape in time to go back to school. I looked in the mirror and realized we will be missing the rest of bathing suit season this year. Oh well. But I have wonderful pictures of art projects that made many kids happy. Check back on Monday for a look. I'm too lazy to get off my chair and download them! Have a nice weekend. Eat a donut for me!
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